It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
