No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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