i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
