I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
