my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
