he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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