I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
