literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
