i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
