I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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