I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
