Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
