i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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