slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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