i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
