he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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