No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
