Porn is love you can see.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
