I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
