idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
