I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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