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awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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