I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I want is dick and wine.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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