i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
