so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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