I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's just like the Real World with babies
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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