He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize