and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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