2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize