he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
