Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize