Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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