i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
