What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
