Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
