he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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