Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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