I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
