the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
