and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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