I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
