Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
