I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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