that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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