I feel great
I just peed on a car
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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