Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
