thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
