Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
