you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
