was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
