if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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