i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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