I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
