Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
