if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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