Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
