it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I wish you could order shots online.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
