we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
