So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
