Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
