That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Terrible idea I love it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
