Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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