Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
