Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
