So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
