I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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