we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
