Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
